I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Michael Bay diarrhea
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize