New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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