Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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