she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize