cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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