I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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