He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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