If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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