I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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