I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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