On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
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Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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