my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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