well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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