can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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