I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize