Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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