Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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