New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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