There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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