I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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