24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize