it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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