didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The Olympian is in my bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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