a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize