R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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