So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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