I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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