I accidentally had phone sex last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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