I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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