It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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