I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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