Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize