I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize