i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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