It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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