FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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