every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sext me about skeletons
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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