she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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