I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
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i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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