You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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