I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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