One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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