I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize