He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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