i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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