windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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