I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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