How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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