Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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