i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Houston, we have a squirter
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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